Where are we going with this?

Lunch box-can opener warrior

Monkey with a banana

Slow-mo sillies

Dull-drums. The days of our lives. In and out, up and down, and nothing to report. This is what we do. This is who we are.

This is the weirdness of it all. I have two monkeys in school now. We get up early (ok, so we get up early every day, regardless of the school schedule) but we breakfast, and pack snacks and put on shoes and drop kids off at school. They kiss me on the cheek and jump out of the van and fly away with back-pack wings. They don't look back-- trust me, I always check.

And I'm just busy with the nothings of Momming. (What does a stay at home mom do all day? today it was laundry and dishes.* general pick up and put away. clip coupons and buy cheez-its. wander the house looking for the eerily silent nearly-three-year-old and then try to figure out how to sanitize a hand soap dispenser that got a 'bath' in the toilet.) 
BUT is that what I do?
I'm suffering a sort of identity crisis, I think. Who is this MOM I aspire to be? What does her day-to-day look like? Does she relish the little moments more than I do? Does she have more patience for playing super-hero-squad ad-nausium? Does she show her love rather than say her love, and do the monkeys see it as love or as merciless torture? (My monkeys... they tend to think I favor torture...)

I don't know where to go with this- and that is the crux of this post, really. I don't know where to go with this! I don't know what to think or do about this new phase. And as I sit and wonder what I should think, it is pressing on without me.

Is that how it always is? Will life drag me behind it's bumper until it is good and ready to stop? (Not that I'm feeling bedraggled, really, as much as just trapped trying to jump on, but not knowing how...)

So, we're here. Still kicking and laughing and learning. And I guess that's all we can ask.


*And is is sad that I bought new dish washing detergent packets (instead of regular old powder) and I'm all exited to do dishes again? Like the plastic pouch around the detergent has suddenly made old food crusties more thrilling. but oh, they are! Hey- I say don't look a gift thrill in the mouth!