*WARNING*Birth story to follow
She came into this world on a crazy Tuesday, a full 13 days ahead of schedule. That morning had been busy with getting kids to school, picking up Dad from work (because his car had been smashed in the parking lot...) and taking Pencil to gymnastics. I had a brief appointment with my doctor, but he had not sounded like anything was looking eminent. Life proceeded as usual.
Around 2:30 I became convinced that the contractions I'd been feeling for about an hour were, in fact, getting realer and closer together. My mom was en route to our house, but still hours away. After a brief wave of panic, because we had no real plan for this set of circumstances, we called a dear friend to see if one of her teens could come sit with my kids. Instead, because she has a heart of gold, she invited my three big monkeys come play at her house, and have dinner with her family. Bless them!
I got checked in and IV-ed up (yay for being Group B strep positive!) and things seemed to be progressing well. My nurse was a dream, and The Doctor was there (even if he was exhausted from working a bunch of overnights and having not really slept yet). I requested an epidural, but my paperwork was moving slowly, so they couldn't put the order in right away. The anesthesiologist was in a C-section, but he said he'd be in to see me in an hour. I stayed on my birthing ball and waited it out. (But perhaps by the end I was not waiting as patiently as I started)
The epidural was a dream- The anesthesiologist came 10 minutes early! And it did just what it was meant to do, I was able to relax a little and wait for my body to do the hard work of getting ready for a baby. We were waiting for the second dose of antibiotics (given through the IV with no less than 4 hours between doses) and for the OB to come. My mom got to our little Arizona town and called around 7:00 to get directions to pick up our kids. She got there at just the right time, because then things got interesting.
Around 7:30 I was suddenly very ready to push. The epidural had blocked my pain, but not the sense of 'pressure' (I love how often medical people use this word. I sometimes wonder if it means what they think it means...) It was VERY 'uncomfortable' to try to wait for my OB before pushing. After what seemed to be a billion years, the resident came and gowned up. My OB had not yet arrived, but I decided a resident was good enough for me. (BLESS her!) **you may be asking yourself why The Doctor and padre apparent was not gowned up and prepped to deliver this baby. He is NOT an OB for very specific reasons, and we had already determined that he was not in that room as a doctor, but as a sweetheart and soon-to-be-dad. I am VERY glad he did not deliver this baby.
After three pushes, a sweet, long fingered, strawberry haired baby entered the world. I remember noticing how long her fingers were. I also remember saying, "She's real!" They plopped her onto my stomach and I held her for a moment before they zipped her away to be measured and weighed and whatever else they do while they sew up a momma's rips and tears. Then my OB arrived.
But The Doctor/Dad was not making happy new parent noises. He was over by her little bed, and the medical people were talking in hushed tones. I heard things like 'moving air.' Regular parents don't talk like that. Doctors do. (He later said that his parent brain had blocked all ability to think doctor thoughts... he was stuck in a sort of stupor... I can only imagine that helpless feeling! I'm glad he wasn't acting as a doctor in that moment!)
I also did NOT hear robust baby cries. I heard only whimpery- gaspy breaths. Then they wheeled her little bed away and The Doctor went with her.
I cannot express the hollow yet heavy feeling it is to be stuck in a hospital bed (with very dead legs) with a patient and seemingly unaffected OB stitching away while my new baby is efficiently wheeled away by a herd of strangers. The efficiency was the worst part!
The nurse commented on how I was staying so calm, but it wasn't calm as much as numb. Shocked- paralyzed by fear... I've never had a sick baby before! I didn't know what to do, or think, or say, so I did nothing. I waited.
Thankfully, the sweet resident that caught my baby also shuttled back and forth between my room and the NICU with messages. She said that baby was pinking up, then that they were getting a chest X-ray. She brought word that things were looking better and that the medical people weren't as worried as they had initially been. She said they were about to get an IV started. I was still stuck in that bed.
Feta really wasn't as sick as she might have been. Because she came a bit early, her lungs weren't quite ready to work on their own. She had a very small pneumothorax (a bit like a collapsed lung) but she was getting better quickly. She needed more antibiotics (because I didn't get the full 2 doses before she was born) so she had an IV of her own and a fun three day stay in the NICU for monitoring.
The NICU was on a different floor than the Labor Recovery, so my life for the next three days was a stream of shuttling back and forth on the elevator in my bathrobe. I'd feed a baby- cautiously because of the cords and tubes coming from her little body- then head back to my room to pump some pre-milk, try to sleep and then do it all again.
This was my view from the softer chair someone dragged in for me. I wish now I had taken a photo of all her wires- you can kind-of see them on the left. Also on the left is the IV machine that dripped stuff into her non-stop. The monitor is in the center/back, and on the right in the back is her 'incubator' where she slept.
That NICU was such a different world. I am so grateful for the nurses who cared so diligently for my baby, and all the other babies there. They answered my millions of questions, and encouraged me to be a mom through the tubes. My heart ached for the other families there. (one had been there for FIVE months!) We were on the fast track to normal, but it was still too long.
On her last day the nurses wheeled in a regular baby bed, and made a cute sign with her name on it. I was so excited to see a more regular new baby sight!!
Then we brought her home and everything seemed to go back to a sense of normal.
As normal as is possible with a tiny baby and three big kids and a sleep deprived, stiff and sore mom.
Bless my husband for not running screaming into the night!!
And now, cute pictures! (the real reason you're here)
My apologies for the awesome quality of my phone pics.
But I can take a photo with one hand on my phone. My cannon is not so easy to wield.
The Doctor has mastered the co-nap and I have photos of him holding all four of my kids this way.
Socks and Grapes have fallen solidly in love with this little squeaker. They hold her and touch her and read stories to her.
Pencil hasn't been as enamored yet. I think when she gets a bit more interactive he'll have a change of heart. He also hasn't wanted to hold her yet, so no picture.
But below is a picture of us getting back to life as usual.
Baby in the lap, and big kid in a beanie as we read scriptures before school. It's a shame that my phone flash made it so you can't see the others on the big couch, holding scriptures and wearing sleepy faces. This is what life is looking to be now.
And I think I like it.
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